Ramblings-Rave & Rant


Time to go

The best times at work are when you are serving your notice period, post your resignation from work. The taste of honey only gets better when it is longer, and the management is unwilling to award you any concession. You will understand what I am saying when you look at it from my point of view. How does one put this time to best use?
1.Do a thorough research of the various coffee vending machines in the campus, on as many floors as there are in yours. At the end of it, you can share a well thought out and useful report with the unfortunate ones who choose to stay behind even after you have left the organization!! It can contain information on which are the privileged ones to be frequently visited by cockroaches/mosquitoes/ants or other unrecognizable once living forms, the sugar/milk/coffee/tea strength of each, the crowd pulling capacity – could be a time series analysis if need be and the like.
2.Examine your computer hard disk, identify ways to discreetly delete useful data, create multiple copies of junk and automatically give them relevant different filenames based on the hottest business killer topic in office at the moment, create several partitions on the hard disk – maybe one for each new project you will be assigned to work on while you are on notice period.
3.Re-read all the mails in your mail box that you have received in the past ‘x’ years (? Months ? days 😉 ) , especially the forwarded ones, and forward them back to the one who sent it to you in the first place. If you are afraid of annoying that person beyond measure, add a line on top saying “remembering you…”
4.Prepare handover documents (it is highly unlikey you will be asked for one anytime before the relieving date, still it is also highly unlikely that you will not be asked for one on the day you are packing your bags for one last time…you get the gist..) such that it is atleast 25 pages long. You are free to include blank pages in between the 3rd and 22nd page. Set the font to binary, and circulate to your manager just when he asks for it. Then exclaim surprise as to how the virus that attacked your laptop has managed to infect his too.
5.Say hi to every member on the floor; if they do not respond at the first instance, go stand at their desk and make small talk. Remember the decibels of the conversation should be just a wee bit lower than normal hearing, so that it raises suspicion in their minds about possible attrition from others.
6.Discuss the appraisal process, and include unachievable or previously conveniently ignored topics as additional targets for the team. Whoever said your successor should not miss you!
I could go on, but my dear readers will begin wondering if it is my personal experience..to clarify to one and all, hell and heaven, no..not yet. I am talking about my manager kicking the bucket…oops…how I wish!
For all those who are smacking their lips on hearing how there is one more boss-hater in their midst, sorry…i adore mine…He is an angel without the wings ;-)These were just Dilbertian moments!

Filed under: Work - the economics and trends, ,

One Response

  1. The M says:

    Too good….describes my plight perfectly…men and machines are the same everywhere…annoyingly cute post

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