Of what use is an engineering degree in electrical sciences if you did not know that you have to put the plug in the socket for an electrical appliance to work?

I am not going to write here about this very obvious oversight on the part of a haughty engineer I know. This post is about more complicated things.

With half the family of the above mentioned engineer in la-la land, it was high time a web cam was bought and monkey faces sent over the high seas, like Hanuman’s lanka trips. So are web cams sold by any Spider branded companies? Wish they were. .I digress.

After what seemed like Vanavasa, a web cam was bought for a little less than a grand, and positioned as delicately as stacking eggs in the fridge, over the monitor of the desktop computer.

Before this, it was debated, for a good half hour, how good is a soundless movie to one’s kith and kin, especially with a face that does not hold the interest of even the neighbourhood dog.The microphone had completely slipped the engineer’s mind and it was not bought. You ought to overlook that, for the engineer is not a sound engineer but an electrical sciences engineer.

Then, it was noticed a tail hung from near the USB connector of the web cam, and it fitted well into the microphone socket of the computer. Whoa..this definitely ought to be capable of carrying a few decibels of sound atleast. (see see..the engineer knows all about decibels and is not a fake one)

Having got this far, the rest was easy or so the engineer thought. Plug the cable into the USB port, and wait for the lights to flicker on, and surprisingly not, the engineer sees a hazy but the famous silhouette of self. (Yeah yeah..the engineer knows all about putting in the disc, and installing drivers for the computer to recognize the new hardware as a web cam) With a pat on the back, the lens focus is adjusted to reveal a more interesting portrait of self. Grinnn.

Skype was then inaugurated in the house with as much fanfare, as the superstar’s Friday release. Mustard spluttering et al. (Cooking in the kitchen simultaneously pa) to remove evil eye.

Then came the test…ENGINEER..ARE YOU TRUE BLOODED?

The microphone carried the voice through perfectly over the web messanger. Alas, if only it was a more melodious voice, the world on the other side would have been content.

Show us your face, they demanded.

The haughty engineer shyed away at first..no, its ok, it is late in the night..it is dark here…were the pleas.

Out you come, they cried hoarse.

But how????

The camera was showing off the perfect face to self, but refused to transmit over the web as though it did not want to inflict the same on others.

Off and on the web cam, camera test, works fine.

No transmission on the web.

Plug it out and plug it in, camera test, works fine.

No transmission on the web.

Plug out the microphone, camera test, works fine.

No transmission on the web.

After several hours of the Indian standard time, and Greenwich mean time having elapsed, the bulb flickered. In the mind of the engineer, silly. (FYI, the camera lights were flickering alright)

One mighty pull and push of the USB wire into the slot again, skype on, no camera test.

EUREKA…it went through.

The famous face was splashed across the globe, making it more famous. (Loud applause like in Oscar’s)

The problem was that the web cam did not know how to function in two places, 1) over the local machine and 2) the internet. Was this the engineer’s fault?

Everyone else thinks so.

You tell me.

If I were an intolerant high tech innovator-maniac…

1)When people stand in groups and block access to places, like entrance doors to buildings/hospital corridors, they should get a mild shock, say after ‘n’ seconds, reminding them to move ahead. Infrareds aka Dhoom2 can be used.
2)When people shove trash in the 2m circumference around trash cans, the trash can should aim some of its own poop onto him/her.
3)When someone walking ahead on a pavement suddenly decides to slow down and walk very slowly, at the same time blocking any chance of overtaking him/her (senior citizens and the physically disabled excused), the gravitation force should stop functioning just below their feet, and they should hang upside down in air until the crowd behind them passes.
4)In an attempt to get elevators to stop at their floor, if someone jams all the stop buttons, up/down, the elevator should stop at the floor, open its door, followed by a shrill voice saying “I am confused where to go – Up or down” and immediately shut close without letting that person get in.
5)When people rush into trains/buses/elevators edging people ahead of them or not waiting for those inside to get down, there should be an intelligent torrential force from within the train/bus/elevator flinging them to the farthest corner away.
6)When people use the rest rooms and leave them in a mess, their faces should be captured on camera and hung on a “I did it” achievement board.
7)When people wash hands/mouth in a public wash such that the water splashes on the person next-by, the water tap in front of them should suddenly guzzle out a big fountain onto them that no use of the drier or all the tissues out there would help.
8)When people stand in cinema queues/railway station queues without having made their enquiries appropriately w.r.t. number of tickets, number of adults/children, spelling/age of members, class of ticket to buy, borrow a pen and clip the cap with their teeth, the counter window should grow fangs and crash heavily on their hand in one swift motion.

Alas, I can’t do any of these, let alone hurt a mosquito..nincompoops will continue to suffer the mighty offenders until Hitler returns and shakes Obama’s hand.