No(i)sy colleague

What do you say when you have a noisy colleague sit right next to you, who shouts whenever he is on the phone, who eats at his desk all the time, most of the time food that strongly smells, stands in the passage often and needs to be reminded to give some space for others to walk by to their desk, who stares at your monitor whenever he is out of work…
Worst of all, he uses “ok fine” so many times that it annoys you to hell coz it is just not ok and just not fine.

Catty About It

The following is an article that appeared in today’s news.

Once kitten, twice shy

Gardener of Malad society gets caught dumping four tiny kittens into creek; animal lover who had him booked hopes he won’t repeat it

By Anand Holla
Posted On Friday, January 23, 2009 at 02:22:52 AM

Gardener Sangappa Gawde holds a kitten after it was rescued
They are barely a month old and incapable of doing harm to anyone. But four stray kittens born to a cat at Malad’s Haridwar Housing Society were mercilessly dumped into the nearby creek. Fortunately, the tiny moggies still have eight lives to go, thanks to resident Irene Fernandes who spotted two of the society’s gardeners stuffing them into a gunny sack. Fernandes spotted the two men from her window at around 12 pm on Thursday, and rushed downstairs to find out what they were up to. One of the gardeners, Sangappa Gawde, ran towards the Malvani Creek with the sack. When he came back, Fernandes asked him what he’d done with the kittens, but he said he had no idea what she was talking about and that he’d only thrown some garbage into the creek. Fernandes then got in touch with local animal rights activist Bhavin Gathani, who rushed to the scene and informed the Bangur Nagar police about the incident. After booking Gawde under the Prevention of Cruelty Act, the police took him to the creek and asked him to show them where he had thrown the kittens. By 4 pm, the purring kittens were found unhurt and reunited with their mother. Bangur Nagar police said that the gardeners had committed the act at the behest of some society members who found the kittens to be a nuisance. “Had any of the kittens died, the accused could even be punished with five years imprisonment under the law,” warned Gathani. “If societies have a problem with strays dirtying their premises, they should approach the BMC, never take law into their own hands.” Irene’s daughter Dorin, who also helped bring the kittens back to safety, said, “Those who ordered the act will now have to appear before the court and pay a penalty of Rs 1,200. Even the police were very reluctant to help us out, but once we showed them the rulebook, they were forced to take action.” Cat’s like a good Samaritan.

It argues that the kittens are harmless, ask me about it !!
While I agree that killing them is an extreme action, and we do not have the right to take away a life, they are a menace. I can quote realms on how they get stuck on car wheels just below the bonnets, bite up wires, litter in the most unexpected of places, dirty scooter/car covers and scratch glass panes.
If you appeal to the other members of the society to stop encouraging them by feeding or petting them, they pose the argument that the cats are God’s own creatures and it is an act of salvation to take care of them.
BMC Appeals .. are they a solution? Somebody quote me an instance when the municipality has sprung into action and cleared the premises of these creatures.

All this leaves me wishing that all the cats will disappear one day, even if accidentally, under my car wheels.

What is it with ladies and their clutches?

In school and the growing up years, the little girls had “neatly folded into a square” handkerchieves always in their hands.

College goers had a file of papers or notebooks in their arms all the time..irrespective of how much of it they actually read.

Not so long ago, it was the saree pallu or the front V of the thupatta that they used to clutch or pull continuously while walking/talking/eating/..

Of late, the cell phone is the constant companion. They have to carry it with them everywhere, to the cafeteria, to the loo, to the meeting, to the bus stop and keep it clutched in their hands all the while!

I personally like a pair of free hands. (i.e ones that don’t toss the hair from left to right, and right to left ever so often)

If I were an intolerant high tech innovator-maniac…

1)When people stand in groups and block access to places, like entrance doors to buildings/hospital corridors, they should get a mild shock, say after ‘n’ seconds, reminding them to move ahead. Infrareds aka Dhoom2 can be used.
2)When people shove trash in the 2m circumference around trash cans, the trash can should aim some of its own poop onto him/her.
3)When someone walking ahead on a pavement suddenly decides to slow down and walk very slowly, at the same time blocking any chance of overtaking him/her (senior citizens and the physically disabled excused), the gravitation force should stop functioning just below their feet, and they should hang upside down in air until the crowd behind them passes.
4)In an attempt to get elevators to stop at their floor, if someone jams all the stop buttons, up/down, the elevator should stop at the floor, open its door, followed by a shrill voice saying “I am confused where to go – Up or down” and immediately shut close without letting that person get in.
5)When people rush into trains/buses/elevators edging people ahead of them or not waiting for those inside to get down, there should be an intelligent torrential force from within the train/bus/elevator flinging them to the farthest corner away.
6)When people use the rest rooms and leave them in a mess, their faces should be captured on camera and hung on a “I did it” achievement board.
7)When people wash hands/mouth in a public wash such that the water splashes on the person next-by, the water tap in front of them should suddenly guzzle out a big fountain onto them that no use of the drier or all the tissues out there would help.
8)When people stand in cinema queues/railway station queues without having made their enquiries appropriately w.r.t. number of tickets, number of adults/children, spelling/age of members, class of ticket to buy, borrow a pen and clip the cap with their teeth, the counter window should grow fangs and crash heavily on their hand in one swift motion.

Alas, I can’t do any of these, let alone hurt a mosquito..nincompoops will continue to suffer the mighty offenders until Hitler returns and shakes Obama’s hand.