If I were an intolerant high tech innovator-maniac…

1)When people stand in groups and block access to places, like entrance doors to buildings/hospital corridors, they should get a mild shock, say after ‘n’ seconds, reminding them to move ahead. Infrareds aka Dhoom2 can be used.
2)When people shove trash in the 2m circumference around trash cans, the trash can should aim some of its own poop onto him/her.
3)When someone walking ahead on a pavement suddenly decides to slow down and walk very slowly, at the same time blocking any chance of overtaking him/her (senior citizens and the physically disabled excused), the gravitation force should stop functioning just below their feet, and they should hang upside down in air until the crowd behind them passes.
4)In an attempt to get elevators to stop at their floor, if someone jams all the stop buttons, up/down, the elevator should stop at the floor, open its door, followed by a shrill voice saying “I am confused where to go – Up or down” and immediately shut close without letting that person get in.
5)When people rush into trains/buses/elevators edging people ahead of them or not waiting for those inside to get down, there should be an intelligent torrential force from within the train/bus/elevator flinging them to the farthest corner away.
6)When people use the rest rooms and leave them in a mess, their faces should be captured on camera and hung on a “I did it” achievement board.
7)When people wash hands/mouth in a public wash such that the water splashes on the person next-by, the water tap in front of them should suddenly guzzle out a big fountain onto them that no use of the drier or all the tissues out there would help.
8)When people stand in cinema queues/railway station queues without having made their enquiries appropriately w.r.t. number of tickets, number of adults/children, spelling/age of members, class of ticket to buy, borrow a pen and clip the cap with their teeth, the counter window should grow fangs and crash heavily on their hand in one swift motion.

Alas, I can’t do any of these, let alone hurt a mosquito..nincompoops will continue to suffer the mighty offenders until Hitler returns and shakes Obama’s hand.

Time to go

The best times at work are when you are serving your notice period, post your resignation from work. The taste of honey only gets better when it is longer, and the management is unwilling to award you any concession. You will understand what I am saying when you look at it from my point of view. How does one put this time to best use?
1.Do a thorough research of the various coffee vending machines in the campus, on as many floors as there are in yours. At the end of it, you can share a well thought out and useful report with the unfortunate ones who choose to stay behind even after you have left the organization!! It can contain information on which are the privileged ones to be frequently visited by cockroaches/mosquitoes/ants or other unrecognizable once living forms, the sugar/milk/coffee/tea strength of each, the crowd pulling capacity – could be a time series analysis if need be and the like.
2.Examine your computer hard disk, identify ways to discreetly delete useful data, create multiple copies of junk and automatically give them relevant different filenames based on the hottest business killer topic in office at the moment, create several partitions on the hard disk – maybe one for each new project you will be assigned to work on while you are on notice period.
3.Re-read all the mails in your mail box that you have received in the past ‘x’ years (? Months ? days ) , especially the forwarded ones, and forward them back to the one who sent it to you in the first place. If you are afraid of annoying that person beyond measure, add a line on top saying “remembering you…”
4.Prepare handover documents (it is highly unlikey you will be asked for one anytime before the relieving date, still it is also highly unlikely that you will not be asked for one on the day you are packing your bags for one last time…you get the gist..) such that it is atleast 25 pages long. You are free to include blank pages in between the 3rd and 22nd page. Set the font to binary, and circulate to your manager just when he asks for it. Then exclaim surprise as to how the virus that attacked your laptop has managed to infect his too.
5.Say hi to every member on the floor; if they do not respond at the first instance, go stand at their desk and make small talk. Remember the decibels of the conversation should be just a wee bit lower than normal hearing, so that it raises suspicion in their minds about possible attrition from others.
6.Discuss the appraisal process, and include unachievable or previously conveniently ignored topics as additional targets for the team. Whoever said your successor should not miss you!
I could go on, but my dear readers will begin wondering if it is my personal experience..to clarify to one and all, hell and heaven, no..not yet. I am talking about my manager kicking the bucket…oops…how I wish!
For all those who are smacking their lips on hearing how there is one more boss-hater in their midst, sorry…i adore mine…He is an angel without the wings These were just Dilbertian moments!

Social N/W Sites an intrusion!

How true it is when people debate about the relevance of social networking sites. It depends all upon the user. I find them an intrusion into my time. If there are people I wish to be/ they wish to be in contact with, we will anyways. In this age of emails, landlines and cellphones and smses and the snail posts, does not require one additional medium. Why am I suddenly irked with this bright invention of some brighter engineers, after having enjoyed the benefits for quite a while now?When boredom visits like a stork, all I end up doing is browsing other peoples’ lives on Orkut/Facebook..through their photo albums, scrapbooks, profiles and the like. What do I gain from here…sometimes awestruck with people’s luck/fate, irrelevant unnecessary good-for-nothing gossip and a peek-a-boo into their recent lives. Agreed I got in touch with a lot of people whom I had lost track of somewhere on the way; but then henceforth if I want to remain in touch with someone, I would rather do it consciously than just being another e-trophy.

Wedding Bells

In olden days, sacrifices were made at the altar; that practise still continues.